top of page

Check out a selection of
our auction items below!

Main Auction Opens July 27
More items
Get Triumph to Poop on the Person of Your Choice!

One lucky bidder will win a personalized message from comedy legend Triumph

the Insult Comic Dog! In addition to sending you some signed cigars, Triumph

will make you a video roasting the person of your choice! This is the perfect gift

for all occasions. Except maybe funerals.

Young Sheldon Virtual Viewing Party

You don't have to be a genius to know this is an amazing opportunity. Shout "Bazinga!" to your heart's content as you attend your own private watch party on Zoom of your favorite episode of Young Sheldon with lain Armitage (Young

Sheldon himself!) and two writers - Steve Molaro (Creator/EP) and Steve Holland (EP/current showrunner). Hear the behind the scenes scoop and get all your questions answered about your favorite Big Bang Theory character.

Abbott Elementary prop from Patrick Schumacker! 
Virtual Happy Endings episode viewing with live commentary + signed script!

One lucky bidder will hang out with Casey Wilson and Adam Pally of Happy Endings on a Zoom, as they do live commentary on the beloved (for those who beloving it) "Spooky Endings" Halloween episode. Find out how uncomfortable it was for Adam to be Casey's baby in a Bjorn, and how actionable it was for Casey to have Adam living under her dress for three 12-hour shooting days. Lawsuits aplenty! Happy Endings creator David Caspe and showrunner Jonathan Groff (not that Jonathan Groff) will join, along with episode writers Daniel Libman and Matthew Libman. Possible other special guests, schedule permitting. Plus, we'll throw in an original shooting script signed by the entire cast! Priceless! 

Chris Keyser will write you one!

At a loss for words? Not when wordsmith Chris Kevser puts them in your mouth. Party of Five co-creator, Julia showrunner, and co-head of the WGAw Negotiations Committee, Keyser will write you a speech of up to 15 minutes for any occasion. Winning bidder gets a Zoom consultation and a draft, but must give Keyser at least one month's notice before the finished speech has to be delivered.


Energize your union's membership! Win your child that Junior Class presidency they so richly deserve! Toast your favorite bride and groom! Be the high bidder for this item and the well-turned phrases will flow directly from Keyser to you to your audience... followed by their approval!

Neptune High Varsity Jacket
from Rob Thomas!
A round of golf with comedian Greg Fitzsimmons and his similarly named friends!
Get some dandy Handeys!

Deep Thoughts, my allegedly humorous epigrams -- which have been published in books and broadcast on television -- were originally composed by typewriter on 3x5 cards. Each card is signed on the front and back. I have burned over 2,000 not-good cards in my fireplace. These cards, for better or worse, are among the survivors.

–Jack Handey

It's Elementary, our dear bidder--props from Robert Wolfe!

I hope you, worthy bidder, enjoy this collection of show-used ELEMENTARY props. ELEMENTARY ran for seven seasons and 154 episodes on CBS from 2012 to 2019. I joined the show in the middle of Season Two and had the great honor of writing 16 episodes over the ensuing 5 ½ seasons. All of us at ELEMENTARY were very proud of our little murder show,and these props are lovely mementos for anyone who’s a fan of the show or has an interest in TV history.

Our Props Department and Art Department were the best in the business, let by Production Designer Andrew Bernard, Art Director Clay Brown, Set Decorator Carrie Stewart, and Property Master Eric Cheripka and their amazing teams. Seeing these lovingly created props and set dressing always reminds me of the incredible amount of skill, craft, and dedication that went into every aspect of the show.

It was a career highlight to work with such incredibly talented artists and to get to write things they brought to life week after week without fail. The collection includes a singlestick with a leather handguard and both a wooden and safety rubberized stick. Sherlock first demonstrated singlestick fighting for Joan in “The Deductionist” (Season One, Episode 14) and they made numerous appearances thereafter.

Also included are telegrams from Moriarty to Joan expressing her admiration. These were featured in “The Deadlier of the Species” (Season Two, Episode 14) and triggered a major shift in Joan’s life path.

The children’s puzzle “Unicorn Utopia” was featured in an episode I wrote, “Once You’ve Ruled out God.” (Season Six, Episode 2) In this episode, Sherlock is trying to overcome debilitating symptoms of Post-Concussion Syndrome and uses thispuzzle as part of his therapy.

Rounding out the collection are two dustjackets for Joan Watson’s “The Casebook of Sherlock Holmes,”various business cards,and blank checks for Sherlock as well as cards for Detective Bell.

I’d contend, with a complete lack of humility, that ELEMENTARY is one of the best American network mystery show ever made, from start to finish. We came up with seven seasons of intricate puzzles and compelling characters, all embodied and elevated by our wonderful cast and crew, and in the process told more Holmes stories than even Sir Arthur himself. It’s worth noting that Jonny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu portrayed Holmes and Watson for more hours than any other onscreen incarnations, which means you now possess items handled onscreen by the definitive Holmes and Watson. May they bring you much joy.

All my best,

Robert Hewitt Wolfe

Writer/Executive Producer

Simpsons limited edition "Beatles" cel from Ian Maxtone-Graham! 

This is a very limited edition cel, one of a very few custom-made and given to the writing staff by showrunner Al Jean in 2004.There are many things I love about it:

1) This is a perfect reference/joke: like The Beatles, The Simpsons characters changed their look over time, and this cel perfectly matches the two famous Beatles compilation albums released on April 2, 1973.

2) The Simpsons and The Beatles are both worldwide phenomena, loved by billions for decades.

3) This cel also reminds me of the seventeen wonderful years I spent at The Simpsons, and the lifelong friendships I made with Al, the other producers and writers, and the cast.

I have been a Beatles fan all my life, and I was lucky enough to meet and work with Paul McCartney when he was a musical guest at Saturday Night Live. He participated in a sketch I helped write, an episode of the “Chris Farley Show,” and also did a quick cameo in a song I co-wrote with Adam Sandler, “Red-Hooded Sweatshirt.” Unsurprisingly, he was delightful to work with.

So this cel means a lot to me, but this strike seems like a perfect time to let someone else enjoy owning it, and also to raise some money for people affected by the strike. I believe strongly in the demands of the Guild, but I also know that strikes can create hardships for many, and I am happy to do what I can to alleviate those, even in a small way. Please bid early, bid often, and let’s get that number up there in the hundreds of millions, IE commensurate with CEO salaries.

–Ian Maxtone-Graham

The Halt and Catch Fire prop from Christopher Cantwell (sold on Twitter) that inspired our auction!

I’d been able to snag the Speak & Spell at the end of Halt’s production. It was important to me because within it, story-wise, was the true nature of one of our main characters who otherwise might’ve been just written off as a generic housewife. But instead in the pilot episode she opens the toy and solders connections on its PCB when it breaks, fixing it for her daughters like it’s changing out batteries. She’s an engineer. She’s more.Herein lied the secret of the character and even the series; that the characters and this series we made were more than what they seemed. Since the end of the show, though, this toy has sat harmlessly and inert on an endtable in our guest room. Sure, it was cool to look at and remember what we did. But then this strike happens. And the writer is devalued. And I’m looking around in our house, helpless. And I think of the strain this strike will cause everyone from above the line to below it. And I think about union solidarity. WGA, DGA, IATSE, TAG, LiUNA, Teamsters and so on. How we are fighting to be seen as more than what we seem. Just documents typed or numbers on a call sheet. Line items. We are so much more.So I decided to donate the Speak n’ Spell and try to raise a modicum of money for everyone who is more than what they seem. And also as a way to tap into how truly special what we all do is. I’m not even sure the Speak n’ Spell works. But now the Community Fund has $2,300 to help further perpetuate the magic of artists and the strength of unions, even if my guest room end table is now a little more empty. It’s worth it. We’re worth it.

–Christopher Cantwell

bottom of page